What if reaching your goals didn’t have to feel like suffering?

A while ago, I started listening to a podcast with Mark Manson.

And what he said in essence was this:

Pick your struggle (a struggle that’s worth having).

Although he has a point, there is something that disturbed me profoundly in this:

The idea that you have to suffer, no matter what.

Suffering while pursuing your goals or suffering while not pursuing them.

The problem with that is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Not only do you start to focus on what is wrong and what needs to be fixed, you also make those kinds of unpleasant things appear in your reality.

And the more you focus on them, the bigger they get.

At the same time, ignoring things that are already there will also make them bigger.

So how do you break this vicious circle of trying to repress and ignore something unpleasant, or of being completely consumed by it?

• Ignore the unpleasant thing → it grows in the dark.
• Obsess over it → it grows in the spotlight.

Both make it bigger.

So HOW do you break the loop?

1. Name it without drama.

“I have X debt.”

“My partner and I argued.”

That’s the fact. Nothing more. The point is to drop the story around it. You’re not bad or incapable just because you struggle with something. It just needs the right kind of acknowledgement and then shift the attention actively.

2. Interrupt your nervous system.

Your body will try to spiral. Reset it.

• Shake for 2 minutes
• Put your face (or hands) in cold water
• Do one round of box breathing
• Ninety seconds is enough to tell your body: “We’re safe.”

3. Braindump.

Write it all down. Then make it a

• To do
• To think about
• To solve

Write down ideas without answering it all yet.

4. Calm the spiral through a micro-action.

Ask yourself: “What is the next micro-action I can do to start solving this so that my brain stops spiraling around it?”

Then do one micro-action from that reality. Not a whole plan. One action. Cross it off your to-do list, it releases dopamine.

And my favorite:

5. Redirect the obsession.

If your brain wants to chew on something, give it better food.

• Learn
• Write
• Create
• Move
• Call someone who lights you up, and who you know is not going to harp on your problems with you.

Same STRONG energy, but now it fuels the future instead of the spiral.

Repression is bypass. Obsession is worship.

The way out is sovereignty:

• Acknowledge
• Reset
• Act
• Hold paradox
• Redirect

That’s how you stop making the unpleasant thing bigger and start making yourself bigger instead.

Until next time,

M

PS: If you want to

• name what you feel but can’t quite articulate
• reconnect to intuitive intelligence without bypassing the mind
• shift out of subtle freeze into aliveness
• think clearly without collapsing into overthinking
• access desire without pressure
• Create (manifest) from a grounded and sovereign identity, rather than from fear.

You can explore what I’m currently offering HERE.